


trauma is a fact of life (i am not rooted in trauma anymore)

by MadHare0512



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cuddling & Snuggling, Episode Related, Episode Tag, Episode: s03e14 The Taking of Dispatch 9-1-1, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:42:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24413035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadHare0512/pseuds/MadHare0512
Summary: Buck didn't think he'd even been as afraid as he was when Maddie and Josh didn't answer their phones at eight in the morning when the calls would be slower.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Josh Russo
Comments: 4
Kudos: 131
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	trauma is a fact of life (i am not rooted in trauma anymore)

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely connected to 'the person you'd take a bullet for (is the one behind the trigger)'.

trauma is a fact of life (i am not rooted in trauma anymore)

By: AndiKaneUnderwood

**AU: None**

_"Trauma is a fact of life. It does not, however, have to be a life sentence."  
_ _~Peter A. Levine_

_"I'm grounded in joy; I'm not grounded in the trauma anymore."  
_ _~Tarana Burke_

Buck didn't think he'd even been as afraid as he was when Maddie and Josh didn't answer their phones at eight in the morning when the calls would be slower. He'd been so scared that Chimney's theory was true and Dispatch had been taken. He worried about his sister and friend a lot. The job they did was undoubtedly difficult to do, the psychological damage alone would be devastating if they didn't talk to others about it.

Buck had once asked about the 911 calls they took and others they lost during the weekly poker games he'd been invited to. Josh had replied that in his head, he'd never lost a call. Buck thought that was a pretty good way of looking at things, happily moving forward with the game. He let the idea drop as it did, refusing to upset some of the only friends he had. It was Maddie who'd later told him that it sometimes bothered Josh that the callers would hang up, but only sometimes. Josh wasn't the kind of person to worry about things he can't change, not the kind of person to worry over people he couldn't help.

It was something to be said that it took a lot to make Josh scared, but Buck was quite sure that Josh had never been as afraid as he was in the moments he'd been captured with the other Dispatchers of 911 Los Angeles. Or maybe, the nightmares and dredged up memories that appeared in the aftermath.

_911~911~911_

_Rewind!_

Buck didn't first meet Josh when Maddie invited him over for poker night, but a few days before when Maddie had been dealing with a call gone wrong where Maddie had to listen to someone getting brutally murdered and after a visit to her therapist, she'd rounded up Josh and a few of the other dispatchers and gone to the bar for some fun. Josh had called Buck when Maddie was smashed and falling asleep at the table because that didn't normally happen to the Buckley siblings. Josh had been out drinking with Maddie before and that girl could hold her liquor.

When Buck had come to pick her up, he'd practically run over after catching a glimpse of his older sister. "Maddie?" he asked softly, kneeling next to where she sat at the edge of the seat. Josh was behind her, worry etched in his eyes, but the rest of his face carefully blank to avoid scaring or stressing the others of their party. Buck took one look and knew that Josh hadn't done this, "You're Josh?"

The older male nodded, "Josh Russo, nice to meet you. Well, not necessarily like this."

Buck allowed an ironic smile, "Not like this." He helped Maddie stand, supporting her lifeless body with his sturdy one and holding out a hand to Josh, "Evan Buckley. Just call me Buck."

"Buck," Josh agreed, shaking Buck's hand. "Thank you for coming so quickly. I was so worried, haven't left her side since she started falling asleep."

Buck offered a genuine smile, "Of course. Thank you for staying with her. God only knows what would've happened if you hadn't."

Josh had nodded, promised to call and check up on Maddie later and Buck had left with Maddie and a new number. He hadn't thought about it again until the poker game a few nights later. Maddie hadn't been too worried about whatever had been slipped into her drink that night. She had enough trauma on her plate without worrying about it, so she'd chosen to put it behind her and focus on the present.

Buck had officially met Josh then, losing all his winnings to Maddie in a poker game for nothing more than old favors. He thought Josh was very attractive, sweet, and real. Buck had met too many fake people to hold any value to them in romantic relationships. Maddie had been teasing when she said they couldn't date; she couldn't stop Buck if she wanted to. Maddie was only ever going to tease him; if he wanted to date, who was she to stand in his way?

She saw the spark in his eyes when he looked at Josh, a lividity that was once reserved for Eddie, but died out when Eddie iced him out, refused to make up, and Buck understood that if Eddie couldn't try to understand why he'd gone through with the lawsuit with respect and civility, then there was no point for the two of them to be anything more than friends. Buck had developed a crush, one that could be cultivated in friendship and respect rather than attraction and brotherhood. Maddie wanted Buck to be happy and she knew that Josh could do that, though their time together may be brief. Part of the reason she'd invited Josh to poker night was that she was playing matchmaker. Buck would kill her for it, but he'd thank her for it after.

_911~911~911_

Maddie was devastated when the call came for her on Josh's assault, knowing that not only had Josh gotten hurt, but all their talk about dating had probably attributed to it in a small amount. She'd rushed to the hospital, praying she could handle this. She'd brought Josh home, completely forgetting it was Sibling Night.

She'd just gotten Josh settled on the couch when the knock pounded through the too-quiet room. Josh flinched, jumpy and jittery in the face of what had just happened. Maddie gently set a hand on Josh's arm and quickly left to answer the door. Buck smiled at her when she opened it, "Hey. I brought the popcorn this time."

Maddie shook her head, "Now's not a good time, Buck."

Buck tilted his head, "What do you mean?"

Maddie glanced over her shoulder at the man who'd taught her what it meant to be a 911 Operator. "Please, Buck. Can we reschedule? I've got Josh here and-"

"Josh? What happened to Josh?" Buck pressed worriedly, a protective gleam in his eyes. "Maddie, what's going on?"

"He got mugged, Buck. He got mugged and he's staying here tonight."

Buck paused, then nodded, "I'll come back later. Text me whenever." He hands her the popcorn and smiles, "Have some popcorn on me, okay?"

Maddie smiled and nodded as her baby brother turned to go, then turned and saw Josh struggling to stand, she padded over quickly and put an arm around his waist. "Josh?"

He looked at her, "Can he stay?"

Maddie was shocked for a few moments, then nodded. If Josh wanted Buck to stay, then she wasn't going to deny him. "Sure, Josh. I'll be right back." She waited until Josh was settled down on the couch, then booked it to the door. Hoping she made it in time, she stuck her head out and spotted her brother heading back down the hall slowly while frowning at something on his phone. "Buck!" she called, praying he heard her.

He did, looking up from the screen and back at Maddie. He double-timed it back to her side and raised an eyebrow, "Maddie?"

Maddie opened her door further, "Come on in." She didn't understand why Josh had asked for Buck, no idea why he'd even _want_ to see another man after such a brutal attack, but she wouldn't deny her friend whatever happiness he could get and if this made him happy, she'd let Buck stay as long as he could.

Buck slipped inside her apartment, weaving past Maddie with a grace born of years slipping by unnoticed. He stood patiently while she locked the door again and followed her to the living room when she gestured for him to come. He saw Josh immediately, wrapped and drowning in blankets as he was, and a quiet, wounded noise fell off his lips before he could stop it. Maddie met his eyes, staring into those big blue eyes and wishing she could make the phantom echoes of his pain go away just as she wished she could take the very real pain Josh felt from him.

Buck slowly came closer, gently greeting his friend and narrating his steps to himself like he did when he was younger and nervous. He stepped closer, nearly to the couch before he asked if it would be okay to sit. Maddie had regretted some of the things that happened in her and Buck's childhood, but right now she was thankful that Buck knew how bad trauma could get.

Josh nodded and Buck settled down next to him, not touching him just being there. Josh visibly relaxed as Maddie sat down on his other side. Buck didn't pressure Josh into talking, didn't even ask what had happened, he simply sat there while Maddie talked or Josh talked, listening patiently and offering his input every so often.

Maddie was never more grateful for her brother than in the moments where she didn't know what to do and he was there to help.

_911~911~911_

Since that day, Buck had been talking to Josh through text, over the phone, in any capacity he could. Their relationship cultivated further from friendship to love nearly 2 months before Dispatch was taken. He was ridiculously worried about his sister and friend/whatever they were now, enough to risk making Athena angry and get himself thrown in jail. Luckily, Athena understood and was in a forgiving mood. When Maddie came out, Chimney went rushing towards her, and Buck let him go, didn't try to interfere. Maddie didn't need Buck. She knew Buck was there for her, but it wasn't his reassurance she needed right then. Besides, there was a certain, brave man Buck wanted to assure himself was okay. When he saw him, he took off running, ducking the tape and rushing over.

Josh was holding a cloth to his forehead, a jacket draped over his shoulders and two others steadying him on either side. Buck's long legs ate up the ground between him and his lover, the distance growing shorter by the second. "Josh!" he called as he ran. The man stopped short, looking around. Buck called for him again and Josh turned, shaking off the others' hands. Buck came rushing in, skidding to a stop and wrapping Josh in the tightest hug he could manage.

Josh gasped for a minute, startled and scared for a single heartbeat, then he relaxed and hugged Buck in return, arms looping around his neck as he buried his face in Buck's shoulder. "Buck," Josh murmured, a whimper catching in his throat.

Buck panted, trying to catch his breath, "I was so worried."

Josh laughed, "I was too."

The paramedics had a field day cleaning Josh's head wound. Buck felt anger ripple through his being when he saw the extent of the damage; when he saw that his boyfriend had been pistol-whipped. "What happened?"

"The bad guys where fighting and Terry saw a chance to go for the fire alarm, knowing it would get someone out here. Greg, the one from my date from Hell, chased after him and one of the other bad guys tried to shoot him. I pushed the gun out of the way and met the other end of the gun as a reward." Josh explained sitting perfectly still while the paramedic dressed his wounds.

Buck hissed, sympathetic to Josh's injury. He'd never been pistol-whipped, but getting hit in the face wasn't fun in any capacity. He settled a hand on Josh's shoulder and pulled him in once the medics where done. "Are you alright? Did they do anything else?"

Josh shook his head carefully, "No. Other than the general intimidation and threatening to shoot us, they were surprisingly tame."

Buck's startled laughter caused Josh to hit him playfully on the chest. Buck smiled, pressing his lips to Josh's uninjured temple, "I'm glad you're safe."

Josh leaned into the contact, kissing Buck's cheek with a smile, "I'm glad you're here."

When they were given the go-ahead, Buck offered to let Josh stay with him for the next few days. He called Bobby on the spot to ensure he could spare the time and asked for someone to cover his shift, citing a personal emergency. Bobby agreed though he didn't know what was happening, Buck was sure Athena would fill his Captain in later and Bobby would draw his conclusions, then call to confirm. Buck would tell his Captain why he'd taken the time later, but right now Bobby didn't need to know.

Buck took Josh back home with a quick stop to pick up some of Josh's things. Buck almost wanted to have Josh bring everything of value to him, personally or monetarily, and keep him in Buck's house for the rest of his life, but Buck knew that Josh wouldn't like being cooped up the rest of his life. Josh was a social butterfly, everyone loved him and he liked most people. Buck would never be able to keep Josh in his house forever even if he wanted to. They headed back to Buck's apartment and Buck got to work making lunch. He could make a good dish if he wanted and with the day they'd had, he figured they deserved it. They spent their meal in silence, communicating with questions relayed through their eyes and Buck's hand on Josh's back, arm, or shoulder. They kept to the living room, Josh being too unsteady to manage the stairs.

"Buck?" Josh asked softly about a third of the wat through the mindless Disney movie they'd put on so Josh didn't have to focus too hard.

"Mmm?" Buck hummed back, tightening the arm he had around the other's shoulder. "What's wrong?"

Josh settled down with his head on Buck's shoulder, "Nothing's wrong, I just..." he sighed contentedly, "I'm happy that you're here."

Buck smiled, "I'm happy you're here too, Josh."

Nothing else was said that night, but nothing else needed to be. The trauma of the day was over and they were not rooted in it any longer.


End file.
